I could have had a better day today, but, now that it's done, there's not much I can do about it. Tracy's been venting to me about a lot of stuff recently and I feel so bad for her. It's not even in a pity sense either, never like that. I went through the whole thing last year, and I know exactly how she feels. There are only slight differences, but, I'll try and condense it for you.
Last year, I didn't go out much. I stayed home and gamed all day, and honestly, I had no problem with it until February. I loved staying home, and I still love staying home. As corny as it sounds, it allows me to relax and be myself without being judged by others. I love my family, most of all the time. I've stated before that my father is one of my best friends, as lame as that could sound. Without them, I honestly don't know where I'd be at this point. When my extended family and I get together, I'm in such a good mood the next two days, nothing can bring me down. Really.
My point is, it got to a point where I said, "I'm a teenager. I'm supposed to be going out and doing stupid shit. I'm supposed to be doing x y and z. I've sat in the basement on my computer for the past six months. What is going on?". I got depressed because I realized that I was doing none of this. I didn't necessarily get completely emotional about it, but, it bothered me. Now, I find myself going out all the time.
I find this a good thing, and sometimes a bad thing. If I do want to stay home, I feel rude by not going out. I don't hate going out, but, I feel as the time I had to myself is now gone. I've now shortened my going out days to Friday and Saturday and Sunday being my 'me' day, if that makes sense. I do some homework and I do whatever I want. Learn a new song on the bass, read, write.
That really wasn't condensed, at all.
I've lost all tolerance at this point. I saw Natalie today and she was being an idiot, like always, and I faked smiled, like for Jenna. It was disgusting. I found myself making a face and rolling my eyes as I passed her. Enough is enough. I wish I didn't feel like I have to walk around hating the world, I shouldn't. I know I shouldn't. But, my outlook is so skewed, I don't know what to do.
I'm starting to think that it's because I hardly vent other than through written words. Even on there it's vague and requires thinking, but, it relieves some of it. I have only two people I can vent to with out a worry that they might go off and tell another what I said.
I need to complain, but, I try not to.
I'm working on a new short story, I'll post it in another one because it might take up a bit of space. In that some post, I'm going to post another poem. Consider it a literature post. I think I might use a pen name instead of my own. I changed my name on my Blackberry to it, just to see if I really do like it. I decided on Jacqueline Odessa.
Day 4: A photo of your favourite rapper:
Kanye West
Day 5: A photo of a celebrity who's hair you would like to have:
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