In a few weeks, I will get time to realize it's right before my eyes.

"...and I can take it, if it's what I want to do."

I don't think anyone understands that that's exactly what I needed to hear recently. (Nobody cares, I know this for a fact). I used to go to school just to see him and I could be horribly sick. It was weird, now I had to stay home to feel better about myself again. I'm so awfully tired of this shit. I don't think the world wants me to be happy. I'll find some release in my music, again.

So much work to do. I never want to go to school again.

All I need is coordination.

Another catch up post.

I went to go see OMD (with my father) on March 8th, 2011. It was one of the best concerts of my life. I really love the 80s. It's crazy. I wish people still made music like this. Everyone makes fun of the 80s, but I love the 80s. It was such a good time for music. Granted, it did inspire a lot of the 'music' (I say this lightly) that is in the mainstream charts today, but the 80s lyrical content is so much better. It's much richer and it kind of makes your heart melt. Honestly, if a guy came up to me and sang me any song by The Cure, New Order or OMD, I would marry them on the spot.

Listen to 'Souvenir' by OMD. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDIYOiQUi2s). I don't think any guy today would knowingly put this in a song. It's rather upsetting.

Today, I spent the day on Seventh Street with Ali and we got Starbucks and then went to The Burger Spot. I feel like I never just get to hang out with her because when we do hang out, it's almost like a group activity. Oh well. I'm still full from eating that giant hamburger. I might just go with the Caesar salad next time. For nine dollars though, that's a bit pricey.

I also spent the day cataloging my old drabbles and poems from last year. Luckily, they don't seem to be smoking hard crack. I still wonder why I want to be a writer. Some of the stuff I write is absolute trash. Then again, most of the poetry I write is for people. Not that they would ever know. I don't think they think I care this much about them. I'm completely used to it.

On Friday, I went to Battle of the Bands, meeting Tracy and Jenna there. Rob's band, No Good News, was playing there. They didn't win anything, if you were wondering. The band that won last year, Big Tuna, won again. My school is a predominantly ska-band producing place, No Good News is no exception. I had no intentions on talking to you, but you wanted me there. Oh dear Lord, you wanted me there. You came up to me when I was buying food with Marisa and asked me if I was going. You came up to me during Battle of the Bands laughing, saying that you forced me there. (I'm reading too heavily into this, I think I'm only translating what I want to hear).

I saw you looking over at me and I was trying to avert your eyes so heavily. Your eyes scare me. They're too clear and blue. They make me want to disappear. You give me butterflies. I really hate being a teenage girl.

(It's one of those moments when you say (Stolen from tumblr, mind you): "Can't tell if flirting or really nice...")

I'm really glad I went. They covered 'Rebel Yell' by Billy Idol, 'Give It Away' by Red Hot Chili Peppers and 'Lean on Me' from a band that I can't tell you off the top of my head. I was hoping for a Rage Against the Machine cover. I wonder if they would sing "Fuck you! I won't do what you tell me!" in a school setting. I know they wouldn't, but it's the best part of the song.

Spring is here. I am content.

Find me and follow me.

I am here to write a bit about my OCD tendencies and anxieties just because it pertains to today.

The main reason why I do not like people at my house is because I do not like people touching my things without my direct permission. Do not ask me why, but, it bothers me. Another problem is that after everyone leaves, I spend about two hours disinfecting and cleaning up. I am that neurotic.

My parents want me to have people over my house. I don't. I like going out. As much as I love my parents, I don't really like bringing my friends under the watchful gaze of my parents. I don't think they're embarrassing or anything, but, my neurotic mindset does not want anyone in my house. My house is my sanctuary. I invite people over because they want me to. Some people I really like to have over, others, not so much.

Ironically, I only have people over that I really genuinely think are great people.

I have to give the dog a bath tomorrow because that is what my mind is telling me I have to do. I wish my sister didn't give him a bath today, stupid idiot that she is, because now it will look funny to why I am bathing him again.

This stupid mental state drives me crazy and makes me want to cry. I can't confront it, but, I yell at it in my head non-stop.

It makes me want to kill myself because I can't take it anymore. It drives me nuts. I can't be a really open person when I want to be because it retrains me. It can't catch me in death, however.

Other than everyone at my house, I went to the Lunar New Year festival with Ali and Marisa. We met Michael there, it was really a lot of fun. Fleming beat me at ping pong as Marisa bet my yearly average on me winning the match. I didn't win. We'll see what happens.

I saw Rob there and clearly on Facebook, it said he wasn't going. I said yes to going and he showed up. I was looking forward to not seeing him there. Of course, when I went on the line for food, guess who I ended up behind.

It never works in my favour.

Make me feel like the one.

I am happy to report that I have not gained a significant amount of weight from last summer to now. I just tried on my old shorts and they fit perfectly. Of course, they're a bit tight around my ass, but, I have a strangely large ass. Whatever. Can't have all the Asian features I want. I think I might have even lost weight which is strange because I've started to eat more in one period.

I'll be honest because this is my blog and I'll do what I damn well please with it. I am becoming a little more self-conscious of my body and my appearance because I now know people look at me. I wish I didn't. I wish they didn't either. Sometimes, I wish I could blend into the crowd again and be a nobody. I can't say that guys don't think I'm pretty or anything because there are two: Eric (The Poo) and Rob (The Dick).

Kind of funny that I can't really stand any of them anymore.

I started kickboxing and my anger issues have dropped to a bare minimum. There's always those spike when I feel obligated in smashing someone's face in, but, my raging is done. I'm really carefree now and I love it. I don't feel like I have to transfer out of my high school anymore.

Last Saturday, we received our puppy, Jaxson, from the breeder in Tennessee. My mother had to go down to Tennessee to pick him up while we prepared at home. By preparing at home, I mean, my sister did, my dad watched television and I went to volunteer. I've got a few pictures. They're my favourite. :)

He sleeps pretty much all day, but when he's awake, he's really playful. Jaxson's teething now and it's causing my hand and feet to be cut up and swollen. I don't mind.

My father is finally happy with my grades. I have been searching for this gratification for years now. It feels so good. I finally was able to please my father with something I had to work for.

"Keep up the ching chong work!"

I think he's finally accepted that I'm going to be an English major (Or, as I like to put it, a well-read homeless person) and not a pediatrician. I really wish I could be a doctor, but, I don't think it fits me anymore. I've volunteered in the field for the past two years and it just isn't my thing. If I can't really enjoy it for the two years that I've worked on the maternity floor, do I really think I'm going to enjoy it for the rest of my life? No!

It might just be the maternity floor. I leave and I am so set on never having children ever. Only during the week do I change my mind.

I came here to rant about how much I can't stand Rob, or how much I can't stand school or blah, blah, blah teenage angst. I can't even do that anymore. I'm so happy. My friends are great and I couldn't ask for a greater time.

I might be on a Spring high but I could care less. I'm so euphoric and whatnot. I hope this doesn't end when Marching Band kicks in along with badminton tryouts. I'm foreshadowing stress and discomfort. Let's not think of that.

I've compiled a Spring Playlist for those who stumble upon my blog. You are all welcome to listen to it!

1. "Alcarda" - ATB - Trilogy
2. "The Sixth Station" - Joe Hisaishi - Spirited Away
3. "Here Comes The Summer" - The Fiery Furnaces - EP
4. "Crayon" - Caribou - Semper Satago (A Domino Records Compilation Album)
5. "History of Modern (Part One) - Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark (OMD) - History of Modern
6. "Submarine Symphonika" - The Submarines - Honeysuckle Weeks
7. "Dakota" - Stereophonics - Decade in the Sun - Best of Stereophonics
8. "Strange Lights" - Deerhunter - Cryptograms
9. "L. Wells" - Franz Ferdinand - The Fallen / L. Wells (Single)
10. "Lovers in Japan (Reign of Love) - Coldplay - Viva La Vida (Prospekt's March Edition)

Some Summer undertones. Spring is so short. It's like a prelude to Summer. Go nuts.

With downcast eyes, there's more to living than being alive.

I do feel like sometimes, I suffer from alexithymia, a condition in which a person cannot express their emotions. I also think I'm depressed sometimes, but, I don't think there is anyone on this planet who hasn't self-diagnosed themselves like that. Sometimes, I wish I had some mental disorder to struggle with, but, then I realize that I deal with slight OCD. I can't even handle that.

I've always liked the quote, "Years ago, all these mental disorders were just called 'growing up'. Now, they've got names.". Growing up is never the same anymore, is it?

I love kickboxing. It's so relieving and it makes me feel like I'm good at something. It's really awesome. (Don't I sound pathetic? Not what I was going for).

Essentially, I've been taking out all my hate I have towards Rob, Jenna (his girlfriend) and Michael and taking it out on my partner.

Sorry Christina and Hycasinth.

Open up my eager eyes, 'cause I'm Mr. Brightside.

I love this song, it's unconditional. I would listen to nothing else, if I had to. This would be my anthem all the time,  but, my iPod only has so much battery life.

I'm very tired. The past week has resulted in failures such as dodgeball and badminton. I can't win them all, I guess. I started my kickboxing lessons today, I really liked them. I met this older girl who just recently started, too. She's probably in her early twenties, I think. Her name is Hycasinth. I really don't know how to spell it, but, it sounds really cool. Only halfway into the class, I realized that I have so much to learn, but, if I ever become great at it, I'd like to compete.

Last order of business: I hate when people leave me. I'll elaborate tomorrow as my brain is fried at the moment.

Three rounds and a sound.

I can't tell if I'm legitimately depressed right now or if I'm just PMS'ing. Either way, it sucks.

I'm overly sensitive to everything and I just want my puppy, Jaxson. I might stay home one day just to bond with him.

Here's when I go into a little thought I've kept in my head for a while.

Personally, I think the great American image is a boy with his dog. Nothing too fancy, like an action shot or anything, but, just a boy and his dog sitting. It represents loyalty to me, essentially what America has been built on, along with nationalism and self-pride. I say this because while I was on vacation in Florida, my relatives had brought their Labradoodle, Moose, down with them. My cousin Nick was sitting in the wet sand and the sky was grey, just about to rain. Moose had sat down right beside him and it was quiet for the most part, excluding the waves across the shore.

I thought it was so incredibly powerful and the strength between them was overwhelming, and both of them are pretty small.