under your thumb.

I just needed to get this out here.

There's this kid I've known for about three years now, always been in my science classes. I met him when I was a sophomore and he was a freshman. I'm talking to him right now and he's telling me how he's going into the military straight after high school.

It's really weird because this kid is younger than I and I don't really know.

He's a good kid, I don't think most people see it.

Go navy, though.

girls like mystery.

Last night I went out to the Witches Brew with Janelle and Michael. It was nice to hang out with them. I had an amazing sandwich that burnt the top of my mouth, but entirely worth it. I had a papaya passion fruit tea drink and I finally got to relax after the past hellish week. I was exhausted, I still am, but again, it was nice to hang out with them.

It's been so liberating since Michael got his license. There's so many places we can go now without our parents hounding us down. I mean, of course we have to be back by a certain time, but you can push that further blaming it on waiters, traffic, you name it. We were out until about 12:30.

It was a taste of freedom and it was nice.

I made them listen to The Vaccines. They are so good, it hurts.

Michael wants to come with Brenna and I to see them. The only problem is that we always go front and Michael doesn't really like crowds. I don't want to ditch him, but The Vaccines are so much fun live. I couldn't give up the opportunity to be shoved up against a bunch of sweaty people, jumping around to "Wrecking Bar (Ra Ra Ra"). The little things.

However, I just wish he would stop berating me for choosing Manhattan College. I don't understand why he's hounding me for it. I don't really want to go to Ithaca anymore, but I keep it as an option because I haven't committed to Manhattan yet. He keeps making fun of the fact that I'd be living in the Bronx; his mother asking him why I want to live in the Bronx. It's the same question I ask myself, why would he want to live in Rochester?

He's not supportive of me, yet I have been supportive of him. I just don't understand sometimes.

I can't tell if he's just mad because I won't be two hours away from him, but six to seven hours away.

Whatever.

I think I'm getting sick. I've been drinking a lot more green tea to load my body with antioxidants. I hope it works.

try sleeping with a broken heart.

I am tired.

I am excited.

I am ready to live.

It's a brand new year and I have been pretty neutral recently. I haven't really been angry, particularly happy or sad. There's something liberating about being a blank slate. I have been accepted to all my colleges and I have my heart set on Manhattan College in Riverdale. I can't believe I'm graduating this year. In six months, I will be a high school graduate. In six months, I will never have to enter the high school for educational purposes again. In six months, I will be considered a legal adult.

In seven months, I will be preparing for going away to college. In seven months, I will be wrapping up my work at Key Food and solidifying my ties there so I have a job during the winter break.

I don't know, I feel like I have worked out a lot about the future. I'm not as afraid of what the future brings, simply because I've planned to lay out a solid groundwork to propel myself forward.

There has been no self-loathing, but no self-loving.

I've been trying to spend more time with my parents just because I know I won't be home next year to do so. That makes me sad.

I've been trying to stay out of Catherine' hair simply because she's going through her British fandoms right now. I remember going through that, too. It's a frightening time. Only, she has it for the worst things of British-decent and likes about ten thousand more things than I did. That and Taylor Swift. For obvious reasons, it's just easier to avoid that than directly confront it.

Everyone is worrying about prom, but I could really care less. I'm not really sure if I'm even going to go. My parents didn't go to their prom so I really don't feel any incentive to go. Our school throws really crap dances, so I don't feel like I'd be missing out on anything other than the after party. That's the only thing I'm looking forward to, but you can't go to the after-party if you didn't go to the party, right?

I'm more concerned about Janelle going to college and dorming somewhere. She's beginning to confide in me more and I'm glad she trusts me.

I want to stay close with all my friends once we go to college, but I know we all suck at correspondence. I promised Tiffany that I'd buy those weird BIGBANG postcards and send them to her sporadically with no message on them.

Oh, right. I saw BIGBANG in Newark on November 9th, 2012.

I had a nightmare that my guidance counselor forgot to tell me I needed an extra credit to graduate and I had to redo senior year. If I didn't graduate with my class, I would cry. I know I hate about 98% of them, but they're my class. I want to graduate with them.