they're trying to take him away from me.

Sunday. Panic.

Other notes. I don't have the enzyme. False alarm.

It's kind of nice to be friended on facebook by the guys who I spoke to that day, regardless of how long or how brief.

It's nice to know they found me interesting enough to find my social media.

Welp.

and it hurts so good.

Fitz and the Tatrums are mad good. There's no argument about it. I never really thought I would ever enjoy soul, but it's really good. I wouldn't say they're strictly soul, however. They're pop-soul, or something. I wouldn't say R&B because I always associate that with Alicia Keys and Ne-Yo.

I have been listening to this song all day ("We Don't Need No Love Songs" by Fitz and the Tantrums: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uOh_OSejQU). I went into the city with my parents to get their glasses. We went to this noodle shop, but it wasn't that good. The places we wanted to go to were closed. I was really disappointed.

We ended up getting the bitchiest Chinese waiter ever. I think at the start of the meal, that really offset the rest of it.

My vision has been going. I can't really see long distance anymore and in a sense, it kind of worries me. Why? Because it can only go downhill from here. Maybe I'll just OD on carrots or something.

Liz has been feeling down because all of her friends have been getting into relationships and she has been left out. I honestly don't blame her, but I can't say I've been put in that position before. I tried to say something to comfort her, but what does one say in that sort of situation?

Granted, I recognize that girls are much more critical in how they look. But I wish they would stop following the standard conventions of beauty. Also know as, cut and paste blondes, most of Garden City. I posted a long essay over the summer about it and I know my bog isn't exactly popular, but I wish it was for that sole purpose.

I hate to bring this up. I really do. But this is coming from over the summer that stuck with me (Among other things), from a conversation I had with Brad and Drew. Brad asked me if I wore makeup and then I delved into how I used to wear eyeliner and it generally a horrible experience. He then asked whether he would look good in it and why I didn't. I was going to answer, "Because I am lazy." but Drew said it made me more real.

Men should fall in love with what you have, not with pigments and foundations to cover your face.

I am getting self-righteous again.

Lauren and Tiffany always tell me how I have more experience with the opposite gender than they do, as if it's some kind of badge. They kind of make me feel bad for expressing my femininity, solely because I know they're more of girls than I am. Though, I am the biggest romantic I know. Maybe I'm more of a girl that I think I am.

"Over My Dead Body" by Drake really gets me thinking and I honestly have no idea why.

I just wish I could get Drew off my brain. I keep writing, saying that I have, though I am over him, I just want to see him again. That's when I say that he's still there. I have this feeling in my gut that he's going to make it to the NBA and since my new NBA kick, I'll be seeing him through pixelation.

I honestly feel horrible sometimes when people tell me I'm more experienced. It's not a job. I'm not employed by my feelings. I'm at a loss for words when something like with Liz happens. I just want to make people laugh, but it never really fixes the problem, only lightens the situation.

I need to shower now. I have nothing else on my brain but that I hate working at Key Food.

Until then.

takecare.

How I'm feeling,
it doesn't matter.
'Cause you know I'm okay.
Instead, I ask myself, "Why do you hurt me?"
When you know, I'm the same.
I know, I know, you love me baby.
They're trying to take you away from me.
Only over my dead body.

I'm going to buy this album. I was never really a fan of Drake, but this is a really emotionally charged rap album. Props to you, Drake.

lift off.

Things that have been on my mind/bothering me.

My cousin was cleaning out his car with my grandmother, when a box of condoms fell out. He tried to hide it and believes that my grandma didn't see them, but she did.

My mom comes up to me, telling me how funny this.

Does she realize that if I had been caught with birth control, she would have punished me?

(There's no such thing as being a responsible female as a teenager).

Society's forced characterization of depressed people being broken.

It may be a stretch, but think about it. I won't limit it to simply depression, though. Any mental disorder, you are broken.

Personally, I don't believe that labeling someone as broken will convince them to find an outlet or help. Broken is always paired with "broken beyond repair".

Human's are not objects and we cannot be broken.

i would do anything for you.

I'm just convinced that I have a thing for basketball players.

tonight is the night.

I'm not exactly sure where my AMSCO is. I think it's in my locker, but I'm not definite. It was sitting on my desk the entire time during midterm week, but I never cracked it once. I thought the sheets I printed out would have gotten me the grade I wanted, but it didn't. I was upset only because I let Mr. O'Hagan down. He's basically turned into my new Nuzzi. He's such a nice guy and I wish I didn't do so poorly on my exams, but I know I can bring my average up with the quizzes. Even with those, I haven't been doing so well. I have to do well on the free response and the multiple choice.

Since he put me in the back, I am always distracted by my phone. That's just my problem, but I try to do whatever I can.

...NEVERMIND! I JUST FOUND IT! Ugh, I feel so much better now.

I think Liz and I are going to get dinner again this weekend. It's really nice to talk to her. I told her about how dumb I felt now for distancing myself from her last year. Granted, I had purpose, but (I think) she really grew up from last year. It's really commendable, considering I'm still trying to grow up, myself.

I'm doing that thing where I count down the days until Foster the People, already. It turns out Tiffany can't come, which is a bummer. I told her I invited Eric and she said she's really mad now because now she won't be able to meet him. Tiffany really just wants to see whether my taste in guy has changed since last year (See: Rob).

Tracy was right about finding your real friends in junior year. I was reflecting on what I told Michael earlier this year, about Natalie. I don't mind that he's friends with her, but I really appreciate that he still talks to me. I don't care who you are friends with. I am only saying that if you are talking to them, I will not approach you. We can save the awkward times for later.

I'm not even exhausted socially. I want to go out. Tiffany said she had a lot of fun with me when we went into K-Town and so did I.

We will see where things go as this month passes.

we gonna take it to the moon, take it to the stars.

I just got back from the city. I went into Chinatown earlier today, like I do every Sunday, and then my family and I went to Park Slope to celebrate my Aunt Lana's 65th birthday.

Let me just say that today was the best Chinatown experience. I missed Andy though. I was surprised to see that he didn't come down. I supposed that he went out drinking last night and was too hungover to get out of bed.

I played soccer like I always did and then me and Eric went out to get lunch at Mama's Cafe. It was really nice just to hang out with him in person and talk about music. We talked about Kanye, Frank Sinatra and Foster the People. I was really nervous though beforehand, but it was really natural and shit. We both got minestrone soup (or strop, as he accidentally called it). We'd been texting this week pretty casually, estoy feliz.

He said he got a weird voicemail saying, "I heard you got it good with my girl Caroline.". He didn't know who it was, but I'm convinced it's Andy. I don't know why, but it just makes sense. I'm closer with Andy than most people at the field. Whateva.

Anyway. This whole weekend has been really fucking awesome. I went to K-Town with Tiffany on Saturday. We got a bulgogi and then a separate order of bulgogi meat for the both of us to share. SO GOOD! We only spent about forty-four dollars, but then we went to the bookshop across the street and then the Face Shop. I bought this little blueberry lotion that smells so good. I also got a pretty hardcore face wash. It has blackberry, maulberry, black rice and charcoal in it and it smells really refreshing. I got an organic daily moisturizer that's water based and made of bamboo. I'm really pampering my face, but my face already feels ten times better. I want to go back so I can get the kiwi mask and some other stuff, but that will have to wait. Tiffany and I then went to Red Mango and we spent like seven dollars on it. Totally worth it. I got mango with sprinkles and strawberries. She got regular with blueberries and chocolate chips.

Prior to that, we walked on Fifth Avenue and went to the Sephora and the Quiksilver. I got a lipgloss from Sephora, but didn't buy anything from Quiksilver. It was like twenty-five bucks for a shirt and I needed all the money I could get for my bulgogi meat.

They drove me to Penn Station and I made it home by myself. I survived by first transfer at Jamaica by myself. I love riding the train; I feel like most people hate taking it. I ran for my train and made it with a minute to spare. I felt like a real New Yorker when I did that.

I fucking love the city, so much.

My mom was really happy that I finally got out of the house and did something with a friend that didn't involve sitting in a house. As was I. She was psyched when I told her I was getting dinner with Liz at Taku in town. I just need to get out. I'm finding that most of my friends are now more inclined to go into the city or go and get dinner.

I invited Eric to Foster the People and he said yes. We (John and I) got all of our tickets filled. FUCKING PUMPED (UP KICKS)! June 11th can't come any sooner.

Here's to awesome friends and changing times.