Oh, have I been too discreet?

I finally feel justified in writing love poems now. Not this, "Admire from afar" crap anymore. I guess that Drew lives in Ohio, I do qualify for that, too. I've been listening to Best Coast nonstop, just because it's helping me cope. Some Ra Ra Riot, but only the first album. I'm not much of a fan of The Orchard.

Katie says she might be going to Ohio to play softball there. If she goes to Cincinnati, I will absolutely lose it. I will beg my parents to let me go, now that they know what was up.

I don't even care that Drew may have had sex in the past, at least he stops when I tell him to. There are always boundaries and I'm willing to cross them once I get there. That's how everyone is, right? It might just be me.

I never expected to come down to Florida, my most favourite place in the world, and get my first kiss. On the bench just outside of Shipwatch, no less. But you know what's really great?

When Rob had called me a guy, it tore me apart. Why? Because the guy who supposedly liked me just thought of me as a guy. Not only that, after he called me that, we began to drift. After talking for hours online, the girl inside of me just wanted to cry. Now? I don't care. Drew doesn't care that I don't wear makeup, he likes it better, in fact. Drew doesn't care I play video games, he hardly does, anyway. Drew doesn't care that I don't carry a bag at all times.

So you know what Rob? Fuck you. Fuck you so many times I hope you bleed out of your ass. I hope I have a reason to talk to you, just so I can tell you how wonderful Drew is. Just so I can tell you he might be flying out to see me this year. So much that Jenna looks like a fucking weasel.

You stopped liking me because I had no experience. If you deny it, I will just laugh until I pee myself. As slutty as I did feel, Jesus. I don't even care anymore. I loved every second of it. I don't care who reads this because it's my own God damn fucking blog.

I loved being dominated, I loved being thrown up against walls. It didn't even hurt. I can cross so many things off my relationship bucketlist, basically. I liked being spanked. WHATEVER.

I remained true to myself. Maybe I went a lot further than I originally thought I would, but I was comfortable with it. That's all that matters.