...where there's music and there's people and they're young and alive.

I guess it's time for my whenever-I-feel-like-it check in.

School's been good. I find myself less interested in everything we're learning as time goes on. I have no desire to study, but then again, who does? My tolerance and ability to study is nonexistent and has been since the end of fifth grade. These mindsets are probably the only thing that separates me from my sister because, you know, we look so much alike and yet people still get out names wrong.

I'm being sarcastic, if you couldn't tell.

The fact that school is also ending is not only relieving, but it's also getting sadder and sadder as time passes. I don't want my friends to leave, but then again, the senior class isn't necessarily the greatest group of people to exist. For example: I'm walking to Starbucks today and then a bunch of them drive past us with their middle fingers up and screaming at us. What glory is granted by that? I mean, it is a very trivial thing to do, like, middle school trivial.

We were all dicks back in middle school; on top of the world which was made of absolute garbage. The fumes got to our heads and we thought we could conquer anything, be anything. The reality of high school hit when you walked in the first day. It was like the front doors smacked you five times in the head and told you, "You want to be a celebrity? A crazy partier? Nope! You're stuck here and you'll live the rest of your life in an office, just like a good suburban kid would!".

But it's not like a living off of partying it possible, unless you live on the Jersey Shore.

The fact that in six years I will be tied down to a living somewhere here with a job and possibly a significant other is scary, somewhat nauseating and frustrating. Negative words because I am a negative person. They say Geminis need to be able to get up and go whenever they please. It would explain my affinity for traveling, even though I haven't done much of it yet.

I don't want to be tied down and I don't want to be trapped within my own world. That's the same thing I know, but the connotation is completely different.

Then again, oh, the irony, I would love to be tied down with Rob. Gross.

I think this quote from the book, American Gods by Neil Gaiman explains my whole situation quite clearly, even if the names are different.

But Essie's love for Bartholomew had turned into hatred for his family...

I get this taste in my mouth and it's actually revolting. My stomach churns and my head gets rather fuzzy. Every time I see one of them, it's awful. Yet, I'm still pursuing him. I need to get out of this state of denial, now.

The road paved ahead is bumpy and fucked up. I hope I'll make it past.