I am here to write a bit about my OCD tendencies and anxieties just because it pertains to today.
The main reason why I do not like people at my house is because I do not like people touching my things without my direct permission. Do not ask me why, but, it bothers me. Another problem is that after everyone leaves, I spend about two hours disinfecting and cleaning up. I am that neurotic.
My parents want me to have people over my house. I don't. I like going out. As much as I love my parents, I don't really like bringing my friends under the watchful gaze of my parents. I don't think they're embarrassing or anything, but, my neurotic mindset does not want anyone in my house. My house is my sanctuary. I invite people over because they want me to. Some people I really like to have over, others, not so much.
Ironically, I only have people over that I really genuinely think are great people.
I have to give the dog a bath tomorrow because that is what my mind is telling me I have to do. I wish my sister didn't give him a bath today, stupid idiot that she is, because now it will look funny to why I am bathing him again.
This stupid mental state drives me crazy and makes me want to cry. I can't confront it, but, I yell at it in my head non-stop.
It makes me want to kill myself because I can't take it anymore. It drives me nuts. I can't be a really open person when I want to be because it retrains me. It can't catch me in death, however.
Other than everyone at my house, I went to the Lunar New Year festival with Ali and Marisa. We met Michael there, it was really a lot of fun. Fleming beat me at ping pong as Marisa bet my yearly average on me winning the match. I didn't win. We'll see what happens.
I saw Rob there and clearly on Facebook, it said he wasn't going. I said yes to going and he showed up. I was looking forward to not seeing him there. Of course, when I went on the line for food, guess who I ended up behind.
It never works in my favour.
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