Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes.

I think I need to document this. Just to tell myself how stupid I am currently acting. To tell myself never to get to this point again.

Your skin is being ripped apart, the skin between your knuckles, red and ready to burst gushes of blood. Your knuckles between your nail and the hand, ripped. Your ring finger is bruised, red and swollen. You can't tell if you actually harmed yourself or not, but you know that it isn't good. Something is definitely dislocated. What have you done?


Oh, it hurts. Lord, does it hurt. You're torturing yourself with 'Numb' by Linkin Park. You never listen to Linkin Park. There are hot tears running down your face. You don't want attention. You want release, exemption. You want redemption and you want fury. You want everything to be as bad as you think. You want everyone to be evil. You want polar opposites. You want to see everything in black and white. Nothing in between. No colour, no shades.

You feel like nobody cares about you. You know they do. You don't want them to. But, you do all at the same time. You search for love, but are backhanded with cold.

If there's anything I need to periodically remind myself: I am beautiful. I am not alone. I have a good life. There is no need for these kinds of actions.

Your mother doesn't know what she's doing. She's pushing you to the edge.

You don't need to be at that edge. She doesn't mean it, you know it.

Why take it the wrong way?

Just breathe.