I just want to be friends with Ian now.
I feel awful for saying it.
But I assume this is what they mean that geminis are hard to tie down. Then again, I am still only in high school. I still have a lot of time to dick around, I guess.
To be honest, I just think he deserves someone better. Sounds awful verbalized, but I think it's the truth. I'm not quiet, I'm brash. I'm not dependent, I'm independent. It's not a bad thing, but for his personality, I think he needs someone quieter.
He kept wringing his hands throughout the date and I felt genuinely bad, just because it was partially my fault. I was making him nervous and he was expressing it. I was nervous beforehand, but I'm not one to show any weakness.
I was thinking about it later at dinner. We're pretty much polar opposites, which isn't a bad thing (reiterate). I'm competitive, he's not; I'm a bit more open, he's a little held back.
When he called my face a beacon of light, I almost threw up, not going to lie. I feel like anyone else would have taken that comment very well, but I didn't. Hell, it was really poetic, I guess, but I wasn't feeling it.
I'm a big jumble of mixed emotions. I'm not really sure how to feel. I meant to keep this short, too.
I hugged him goodbye in Penn Station and when we pulled away, he lingered a little bit, like expecting more. (Look, if you want to kiss me, it's your job to initiate it first, just the first time).
Everything else went really well. I had a really good time, but I'd rather him a friend, not a boyfriend. He didn't ask to see me again, so, I don't really know what that means.
Probably negative, but I'm used to the negative.
"forever (live and die)" by omd.
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