strangers in the wind.

I find it so funny that once I fall head over heels for some stupid guy, I have to come to livejournal to ramble about him. Then again, I don't think it's socially acceptable to talk about a guy this much in person. I wish I didn't though, I know Andy's a sweet guy and all, but I wish I had the will power to stop thinking about him this much. 

I feel like I'm in endless conflict of comparing him to Rob. I like Andy for multiple reasons and I like the fact that he hasn't treated me like a complete douchebag. Which is always very nice and very appreciated all the time. I don't need to be consistently told that I'm 'hot' or have 'small boobs' or have a 'great ass'. (Sarcastic note: I KNOW ALL THE THINGS. I'VE SEEN MYSELF NAKED BEFORE). He appreciates me for who I am (and as MVP) and I can talk to him most of the time without being nervous. It's really bad when I get nervous. 

As I continue to write this, I realize that this is okay to post on blogspot, so I might just copy and paste. I don't care anymore. 

I think what I like best about Andy is that he doesn't try to make me feel less than who I am. He doesn't speak to me condescendingly, like Rob would do quite a lot. Just because you're older than me does not make you better than me. You're only a year older than me, Rob and you act like you're an old soul who has seen the world three times. Andy's essentially out of college, smokes (not that I approve of that AT ALL) and has at least five years on me. 

I'm just glad I met someone who likes me for me. He hasn't tried to change me in anyway and I like that. I've met his sister already and everything, the other Caroline. 

It's also very nice for me to look in the mirror and not detest everything I can see. I've followed stophatingyourbody on tumblr to aid the process. I've gotten to the point where I guess I'm kind of happy of how I look, even though I haven't really changed in the past three years. Or maybe it's two. 

 

All of me hopes that Andy plays in the next tournament. I'm gonna try and make this happen. I really am. (I said this with Rob. I hope I don't jinx this). Part of me hopes that if I do get him, he'll come to marching band and badminton and stuff. I could go to ~Winter Wonderland. Another part of me hopes that if he is mine and comes to all these stupid school functions, he'll kick the shit out of Rob and put him in his rightful place. 

 

Under my foot. 

 

I'm tired and I kind of want this summer to end already. I haven't done much and I'm just sitting up late at night blogging. I have stuff to do, but my bed is unmade. I can't sleep in that. 

 

"Run to the lights of the city; these moments pass and we'll be there. Run to the lights of the city; this dance will last us forever. Forever." - Strangers in the Wind by Cut Copy.