Winter break was a welcomed pause in my academic year, but has been prolonged. I'm working a lot, which is awesome, but I'm a perpetual state of exhaustion. While I have the time to recover on my sleep and just simply relax, I feel I cannot. There's a lot I want to do in a day and I know I can't do it all, but I still try. I want to write; I want to learn all the lyrics to Young the Giant's album; I want to finish Bioshock; I want to work out. See what I mean? I don't have all this time to do that.
This week I'm working four six hour shifts, which again, is awesome, but is extremely taxing. To remember all the produce codes and specific customer etiquette is overwhelming. I don't do well with stress. It only makes me angry and subsequently sad.
I was happy to come home to see Michael and Tiffany. Now, January fourth, two-thousand-and-fourteen, I'm not so sure. Simply, it's very obvious that college has changed them. Primarily for the best but there are also some negative qualities that I'm finding hard to cope with.
This all was triggered New Years Eve when I spent it alone, in front of my computer playing Bioshock. Granted, I had to work in the morning, but I knew had I really had a solid plan, I would have went and did something that night. Tiffany was hanging out with Allison, Jenna, Kassy and the like; people I am well-aware that I cannot stand, yet I entertained the idea of partying with them. As if I would have had a good time. I feel as if she's trying to exacerbate her intoxication. I received a snapchat from her which was just spinning darkness. I couldn't even prevent myself from rolling my eyes. When I had wished her a happy new year, I received an incoherent, pixelated mess in response.
I feel like she sent the same shit to her crush at Wesleyan as a "look at how much fun I am having without you!!!!" sort of deal. I hope she meets a new dude that gets her off of this kid. I imagine that he's really uncomfortable about the whole thing.
And why do we only say "Have a happy new year!" at the beginning? Shouldn't this shit be a constant well-wish?
Michael is getting into drag queen culture now which is really cool. I'm super glad that he's found his niche in college because it seemed like he wasn't having a good time at Rochester at the beginning. He seems a lot happier now and yeah. However, the past two times I've hung out with him have been someone doing his drag makeup, which was fun the first time, but yesterday made it really tiring.
I cannot stress enough that I am so happy for him. However, there are other things we can do when we're home. I can't just put up with diva lifestyle.
For example, I removed the spirit gum from his eyebrows. What, do you not have hands anymore?
Matt is also talking to me a lot more. I chalk it up to the fact that I think he's realized that his so-called "friends" aren't actually his friends. I mean, it's nice. He wants to hang out the weekend we get back, but I don't know. I know what he's capable of and I know how cruel he can be. I may be potentially exaggerating his negative qualities, but those qualities are still there.
I do want to stay his friend and I want him to be a better person. It's not my job, but yeah.
I've been talking to James pretty steadily all throughout break. He's a really nice guy; he is. However, before we left for winter break, Hunter and I were hanging out when he dropped the "What do you think of James?" bomb. So I kind of know why he's talking to me and I don't want to give him the wrong idea.
If Hunter transfers to New Paltz, or anywhere for that matter, I will be very upset. However, my cold exterior won't allow me to convey this to him.
James said that when I was fawning over Matthew that Hunter said, "I would rather see her with anyone else but him." and "What's so great about this kid anyway?" I don't know. It's kind of been ringing in my head for a while now. I honestly came to the blog to get it out of my brain.
Honestly, Hunter, I couldn't tell you.
Manhattan College, I miss you dearly. But I don't think I'm ready to leave my house yet. And leave my house, I mean leaving Mom, Dad, Catherine and Jaxson.
No comments:
Post a Comment