try sleeping with a broken heart.

I am tired.

I am excited.

I am ready to live.

It's a brand new year and I have been pretty neutral recently. I haven't really been angry, particularly happy or sad. There's something liberating about being a blank slate. I have been accepted to all my colleges and I have my heart set on Manhattan College in Riverdale. I can't believe I'm graduating this year. In six months, I will be a high school graduate. In six months, I will never have to enter the high school for educational purposes again. In six months, I will be considered a legal adult.

In seven months, I will be preparing for going away to college. In seven months, I will be wrapping up my work at Key Food and solidifying my ties there so I have a job during the winter break.

I don't know, I feel like I have worked out a lot about the future. I'm not as afraid of what the future brings, simply because I've planned to lay out a solid groundwork to propel myself forward.

There has been no self-loathing, but no self-loving.

I've been trying to spend more time with my parents just because I know I won't be home next year to do so. That makes me sad.

I've been trying to stay out of Catherine' hair simply because she's going through her British fandoms right now. I remember going through that, too. It's a frightening time. Only, she has it for the worst things of British-decent and likes about ten thousand more things than I did. That and Taylor Swift. For obvious reasons, it's just easier to avoid that than directly confront it.

Everyone is worrying about prom, but I could really care less. I'm not really sure if I'm even going to go. My parents didn't go to their prom so I really don't feel any incentive to go. Our school throws really crap dances, so I don't feel like I'd be missing out on anything other than the after party. That's the only thing I'm looking forward to, but you can't go to the after-party if you didn't go to the party, right?

I'm more concerned about Janelle going to college and dorming somewhere. She's beginning to confide in me more and I'm glad she trusts me.

I want to stay close with all my friends once we go to college, but I know we all suck at correspondence. I promised Tiffany that I'd buy those weird BIGBANG postcards and send them to her sporadically with no message on them.

Oh, right. I saw BIGBANG in Newark on November 9th, 2012.

I had a nightmare that my guidance counselor forgot to tell me I needed an extra credit to graduate and I had to redo senior year. If I didn't graduate with my class, I would cry. I know I hate about 98% of them, but they're my class. I want to graduate with them.