and a moment's hesitation

I'm just trying to get my life in order to get ready for college. Isn't that honorable in some way? I've filled out the Common App promptly, connected it to Naviance, finished my college essay and had it edited by Oriani. I got all my resumes in to the teacher that need it and whatever. I've done a lot for one month, I think.

When I do try to study, it's always a joke. I was a punk freshman year, not now. Why can't any of you see that? I fucking try, I ask questions, I stay after class, what else could I do?

I spent about an hour today just doing physics and math, two subjects that I hate with a burning passion. The results are showing though but my parents don't notice that. It's all my shortcomings and crap like that. Some say that's good parenting, but they've never really supported me in ways typical parents would. Coming to senior year and realizing this, it really hurts.

It's always something Catherine can do, never something I can do. I'm just the lazy fuck with no future because I didn't study in freshman year. FRESHMAN. YEAR.

Let's all step away from that because my average was A 94 THE NEXT YEAR. A LITERAL SEVEN POINT JUMP. So don't fucking say that I never work my ass off, because I fucking do.

I worked hard for my trig score. I didn't need Wally this year, I did that myself. I found the help I needed and I progressed. I grew up. I don't know what else I could do to become a "young adult".

If you're going to make a joke out of everything I do, I'm going to stop doing it. Not because I'm stubborn, only because it's pretty much natural for anyone to do that. You're being ridiculed for something you're doing? You stop. You don't want to deal with the mental strain that being mocked brings.

I honestly can't wait to get out of here, just because I've had it with my parents not believing in me, or anyone.

I'm there for everyone else, but no one is there for me.

Mostly because I don't let people in.

I'm scared to.