over my dead body.

I beat Mass Effect 3, so in total, I beat Mass Effect in the total of two months. I had a little freak out on tumblr, but if whoever reading this has played the series, they will understand. I didn't hate the ending. I was afraid that I would have, but I was pretty shocked, but I enjoyed it. I'm not a fan of the hero dying, but I think the green ending is what would have happened, should I be in Commander Shepard's position.

I was really upset at the fact that Kaidan and Shepard wouldn't grow old together. Though, as a whole, I was happy he was with Joker and EDI as partially synthetic. It made me really happy that Joker could finally walk without being overly cautious and that he and EDI got together. Joker deserved to be happy, more than anyone.

My head canon says that Shepard survives and is located in some hospital offworld and Kaidan is waiting for her to recover and they're going to go back to Earth. He wants to show her Vancouver and everything she never experienced because she's a Spacer. I like to think of Kaidan as her rock, anchor etc. He keeps her down to earth and they both remind each other that they're both human at the end of the day.

Mostly because I believe that a lot of the fandom forgets that Shepard is indeed human. I realized it throughout each game, but it became all that more real after the Thessia mission. The way she suffered...I felt it too, almost.

I cried so much during the end of it. During the romance scene between Shepard and Kaidan, I lost it. Especially when he said, "I've always loved you. Through all these years, through...through everything. I'm the luckiest man alive.". There was just something in his voice that made me crack.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7G0B214GexQ)

I wanted her to live, I really did. I tried everything to get that, but I failed. It made for a better ending. I can't bring myself to play it again, yet. Maybe multiplayer tomorrow, but you know. When they did the flash of Anderson and Hackett at the end, I cried. When they flashed Kaidan smiling and just broke down and cried.

I needed to sort out my feelings desperately. I was very emotionally volatile today.

The orchestra concert is later tonight. My last one. There's really no sadness with it.

My FemShep/Kaidan's song is the beginning of "Over My Dead Body" by Drake. The title is ironic, but you know.

How I'm feeling,
it doesn't matter.
'Cause you know I'm okay.
Instead, I ask myself, "Why do you worry?"
When you know, I'm the same.
I know, I know, you love me baby.
They're trying to take you away from me.
Only over my dead body.

(When Kaidan said, "You're real enough for me." Guess who lost it again).

I'm really happy with that ending; it's confusing. I'll get out of the shock next time I talk to Peter. Hopefully Friday or Saturday.

Commander Adaphea Rhey Shepard-Alenko, out.
--

I've been feeling really happy recently. There's something refreshing about it. As it should be.

I understand the constant necessity of more and being more, but some people need to sit down and relax. Take life as it is coming towards you. You'll get what you want soon. (My Great Gatsby paper is really taking a toll on my life).

I mean, you'll go full blast towards the future and find yourself even more lost. Elderly, too.

"Feel So Close" by Calvin Harris is my favourite song right now. They played it at Aquaprom and I have no idea why it stuck with me so vividly.

I wish Liz would give me Dragon Age back.