do you know the difference between love and obsession?

Maybe due to school, I have been increasingly mentally weak. I find myself lapsing one way or another, but at the same time, getting better at other things.

I find myself attracted to all of the wrong people. I don't want to sever relationships, but the heart can overwhelm the brain.

I find that more commonplace than not.

声をきかせて.

During specific weeks of the month, I find myself re-watching similar videos, for the voice comfort. I find myself latching onto Dragon Age companions because sometimes I need to be the hero who offers more to people than a laugh.

I like making people laugh.

But it's not the same. I feel myself growing older. Like, I can feel the heaviness of wrinkles just below my cheeks, laugh lines deepening. My forehead cinching together as my face begins to sag.

With that, I see myself trapped up against a wall.

I don't know why I am being so vague about this, but I figured it would eventually make sense.

I am being asphyxiated. I need to get out soon. Maybe not so soon. I'm not ready to leave home for college yet.

This isn't a cry for help, hugs or affection.

This is a cry for intellectual revolution in which I can be stimulated.

I'm tired of the profanity and the word cute.

I want something to be magnificent as the sun, sparkling like the stars on the sea, but just as comforting as a cup of tea on the sofa with the sunlight pouring on the mahogany wooden floors.

A small apartment, a literal wall of bookshelves and an overlook of the city that owns my soul.